The last time I posted here was almost a year ago.

As much as I love nature and all its beasts, I have to admit, nature has one problem: flying bugs. And this small little creature came hitting itself against the walls of my living room and now it's resting at the door frame. Problem is that I heard once black butterflies are a sign of death or old spirits coming to visit ya'. I did't believe it when I heard it, but I could never forget. Specially because where I live they are not very common.

Meanwhile, I felt like writing again.
I work now for a writing company, marketing related. And we build blogs but my own has been neglected. The only reason was that I was dry, and I didn't know what else to say. I felt like I lost all my rules, all my beliefs, I thought I'd became empty, because all the teachings would only matter to me and no one else. True; they are my secrets now. But I can 'learn-and-tell' from time to time.

For many years now I've been fighting to prove myself to the world in groups of people I would simply not fit in. Fighting, to have the right to be myself, to express myself and who I am, the way that I am, with no shame or guilt. Fighting that people would not simply look me over because I openly say I like pop things as Lady Gaga, or that I watch Gossip Girl or because I have a facebook account while they are busy being cool and enjoying the unknown.

The thing is I wasted a lot of energy in trying to be accepted where clearly I was not, when there was a whole bunch of people that I could be having fun with, and they don't judge me for what they can't understand. Acceptance is not hard, is soft, easy and sweet like a big warm jelly, it takes you in, no matter what and gives you a strawberry taste.

These people I simply feel comfortable with: I call them friends.  And because they like me the way I am, they make me feel stronger by the hour. What I give in return is pure unbottled and unlabeled friendship. Drink up, friends!

DO it -- Niké

if you don't wanna do it for yourself, do it for the others,

and if you don't wanna do it for the others, do it for yourself.

But you have to do something, and you can go either way. That's the beauty of 2010.

Otherwise, we have nothing.

Fuck Luck

When Luck comes knocking on my door, I am going to open it up to her,


look her in the eyes,


take her by the hand,


grab her ass like it was never grabbed before


and give her an atrocious french kiss until I become her.

Fênix

It's a true exposure and a real risk to show your (of course true) feelings. When people can, they attack you, they try to bite a piece out of you. They try to make you fall into contradiction, they try to make you look like a fool. Well, let them try! You will die a little, it's also true. And you may even suffer. But if you are strong and faithful to yourself, you can always rise. Rise and rise, and rise again over them. Be true to yourself, be honest; it's what matters. That's your code of honor.

"... King against King! Love one another with burning hearts; on the low men trample in the fierce lust of your pride, in the day of your wrath." (Book of the Law, v. 24. Chapter II)

-- Yes, master. I will.

When in a corner

I think that when someone threatens you with your life, you cannot see this person in the same way ever again.

But these threats are subjective, they could be removed for they are a psychological pression imposed on a organism, causing it to struggle so strongly to the point of some kind of death. When the threatening situation puts you in a corner which is impossible for you to move, and you have no allies, and the one you thought it was in love with you have greater plans that do not include you, or inflicts the pain... When you take everthying seriously, when you take every word as truth, when you try to give some room for the situation to breeth but still, no signs that it will change, when you believe that the invitations that were not made and that the things that were not said will, most definitely, undermine all your trust and all your feelings (if not yet)... When your words, your talking, your worries, your tears, your feelings, your everything was not enough to make it better... What to do, sit and wait? Sit and cry? Scream for help? Letting go? Roar and strike back? I don't know, but I would like to shift into a different format of internal configuration. These people are making me be against myself. And this hurts and I never forget when I am hurt so deeply. This is why I wish, right now, I could change into an owl and fly to a comfortable tree, watching the night with my big eyes, in silence. In this case, if these people could take away this life I am living would be actually a blessing. But pride will not allow them to kill me. I kill myself first, subjectively. Everything I love is covered by a big dough of pain. Pressing me against the wall. I can see the crawling beings and I identify with them, I can crawl too.

My Dark Master

"Yeah, take me to the underworld and I will try not to mind while you rip this little naive virgin out of her clothes and rape her naked out her own disempowering truths. What I hold on so dearly is nothing but who I am, and this very limited experience, I know, in the face of being God - which is everything- is what you are really trying to do. Why do I want to keep this self experience when I can bend over to the many?  So you call up some other Gods for a little orgy, while some other penises in the form of ideas try to penetrate my brain. Why is that so? Because of the flow of life that you want me to keep, because no matter what I believe in or what I want for my life, I will only get what I must. And so, you, as the most serious and hidden master of them all, is trying to make me quit all of my childish fears - which are the greatest also, because I don't understand them - by making me confront my old experiences, bringing me new and equally painful ones. I am almost there, I can feel it, the point of not minding anymore. So come, even when I fear, and pick me up from my fields of flowers. It's time."

The jewelry you give me and that I shall wear can't be seen. My award is only for me to know.

Astro-me

A minha combinaçãozinha fofa: escorpião, leão, áries, aquário e virgem. What do I mean by this?
It's always war time.
I am a warrior and I fight for love.
And I kill for love, and I die for love.
And I love and hate love.
"Letting go, telling no, let ego go.
Letting go, telling no, let ego go."

Voodoo Heart

Our loved ones can only hurt us there, in the heart. That's where they carve their little knives.
Love is a killer, demands human sacrifices. Bloody ones.

The great things about life

Is that you don´t know how great they are. For instance, take the picture of this blog. It is a great moment,  in this present apartment (which I don´t give much to it). This very moment is very precious.

And I am a bird. I have wings, I have feathers and I even had a bird moment sometime back in 2008. I am not an angel, I am not a demon. I am a bird. My heart beats as fast and I fly as high. I´m a Brazilian bird.