"If I can't be my own..."

Yep,
I can trust my mind as well as I can trust an umbrella with holes
during a very strong rain.
Yep,
I can paint my self-portrait with an aquarella,
and with the pain have the colors in me, slowly, melt away.
All the colors in me just mix black. But the pain is like the rain sometimes, and it washes all off.
Then if I put together a mix of colors never seen before in a new one, in the state of no color at all, well, maybe I get to be transparent.
the QUESTION is not if I am or am not something. The question IS HOW I feel. iF I FEEL MYSELF LIKE something, then I am. If I am, but do not feel it, then it DOESN'T exist.
And if I feel myself like something I'm not, then I BECOME.