The only good thing about me is that I am Brazilian

There is nothing special about me.

I am not the next big hit, I only sing for friends and mosquitos.
My love is not great and I'm not good in bed because I can't turn a bad guy in sex into a good one, and I am pretty "forgettable". If you want to learn how to get over something, become my boyfriend, they always do this really quickly. My next pick up line is "Yes, I am Brazilian and yes, I do have a huge cock, but I'm not good in bed, so forget it."
I am not flawless and I show my sore points to the world, even when people don't really want to see them. Want to see them?
I could never tell a good joke, I always laugh endlessly before I finish. I'm sick, but people tell me that what I really am is crazy. Well, I obviously don't agree.
Yes, I am from Rio, but Carnival is not the hottest event of the year, it is actually a pain in the ass and I don't have a tan. Actually, I am pretty god damn white and I don't listen to Bossa-nova. I am not a girl from Ipanema, I am from Tijuca (there is life beyond the twin tunnels. people!)
Fuck the beach, the water is poluted anyway. Turists, stop throwing garbage on the floor! (And/or making real state business, this city is crowded! Have you seen the favelas? It's not worthy your million bucks.)
I don't enjoy 40 degrees Celsius. Try to steel a stick or a bug from the Amazon, and you will know my rage. Try to harm any more animals, and I'll show you my teeth, but I don't really care for people because I believe in karma. I am always dramatic. I let my hair grow all over in Europe, but I was so glad to become a Brazilian again, when a Brazilian girl offered to wax me. Hurray! I always call first. I always take the initiative. I hate when I do that. I hate myself a lot. I never know what to do. I take too long in the shower and to get dressed when everyone is waiting for me. I don't smoke but all my friends do and I get sick a lot. I have to open all the windows and freeze everyone's asses. I hate my friends a lot as well, but I hate my ex boyfriends more, although I know it is my problem to be immediately attracted to trouble. I just know everyone hates me. The hate for me is a round circle, that is a magickal path. It is my tail that bites me, not the opposite. I always die when I kill, how lame is that? I can't really be mean to people, how lame is that?
I am just about anyone, just a little bit stronger, like a punch in your coffee (or stomach). And I don't look as good as I think in my cute little outfits.