domingo, agosto 08, 2010

When in a corner

I think that when someone threatens you with your life, you cannot see this person in the same way ever again.
But these threats are subjective, they could be removed for they are a psychological pression imposed on a organism, causing it to struggle so strongly to the point of some kind of death. When the threatening situation puts you in a corner which is impossible for you to move, and you have no allies, and the one you thought it was in love with you have greater plans that do not include you, or inflicts the pain... When you take everthying seriously, when you take every word as truth, when you try to give some room for the situation to breeth but still, no signs that it will change, when you believe that the invitations that were not made and that the things that were not said will, most definitely, undermine all your trust and all your feelings (if not yet)... When your words, your talking, your worries, your tears, your feelings, your everything was not enough to make it better... What to do, sit and wait? Sit and cry? Scream for help? Letting go? Roar and strike back? I don't know, but I would like to shift into a different format of internal configuration. These people are making me be against myself. And this hurts and I never forget when I am hurt so deeply. This is why I wish, right now, I could change into an owl and fly to a comfortable tree, watching the night with my big eyes, in silence. In this case, if these people could take away this life I am living would be actually a blessing. But pride will not allow them to kill me. I kill myself first, subjectively. Everything I love is covered by a big dough of pain. Pressing me against the wall. I can see the crawling beings and I identify with them, I can crawl too.

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