continuous

I know it's my fault it's my fault i know i have developed into something not likeable. i know it's my eyes that change, its my eyes that change when i sing from the hurt you made, i'm different. i'm not the same as yesterday, but it's even better than tomorrow cause my chords had just made me built up in confidence and now i can sing from pain, real pain, real noise in my head your words caused me to be so low in confidence, all this missing, all this not knowing, all your taking too long to decide and all my waiting. it seems like my fault, how can it not be when i know everything will always come undone for me because i probably do that, when i know i can only love the death of myself, when i know this, when i know this and i smell my own death, then i jump in any situations, like with you. love with you is death for me, certain. i know i'm a walking target for my own poisonous tail. you are like a silly twisted little wood i borrowed from the shadows of that valley. you are worth nothing, but to me you were it all. the hope for a spark, the start of a fire, the hope to keep warm in this freezing hell of emotions called world.
i hoped for it all, it all came undone before i could start that fire, because my own fire overshadowed your spark. i was a flame and you were air; you are gone and i am coming down on ashes. the floor, stick to the floor... not forgeting to breath, do not forget to breath, breath in and out, listen to your heart beat, listen to your inner cry. the hanged cat i dreamt about it was not a real cat; it was me. chocking on my own tears, the rope was too tight and i was so angry at myself like i am now, but i was trying to set it free. and, eventually i can, so how can i keep going out on swimming with sharks? --like everyday is a different fishing-- all i see is tails and bones (the bate, my mouth, the hook.) oops, this one used to be mine. just ashes now. there is no now. just yesterdays. of course there is no tomorrows, and of course there is not me