Also can a good long wet and tender kiss

My father's convictions about education are amazing. His ways of doing things are something else. He always told me I couldn't do it so I'd feel compelled to go fight for what I wanted and would come back a winner instead of telling me that I could do it, because in his head that would make me get comfy and I would have given up things. He also made me believe that nothing comes free in life and that prices are expensive; all the things I decided to get were my problem, not his.

For a long time I felt like he was the one to understand me and my needs for freedom, that he respected my decisions for telling me it was my responsibility over my own choices, giving me the freedom of picking what's right for me. Now I just see it as him pulling himself over to the side of the court, leaving me alone in the battle field. I don't see it anymore as a proof of love and understanding.

Of course he had a strong impact within me when I was growing and he still does, he doesn't know how deep his words echoes, otherwise he would just shup up about it, when he doesn't. He never believed he could give us anything good enough, so he made us braves enough to go out in the search for what we wanted ourselves, which is an amazing thing, actually, I agree... To learn to walk with your own legs. But now that I can walk and I aim to fly, his teachings are done for me. Life is harder through his eyes when it could be easier and heavier when it could be lighter, because he can't change that internal mind control he had over himself for so many years, all of that pressure not to allow yourself to make any mistakes... And that's just a sad living.

All strong women in history and in mithology had crappy parents, crappy male authority figures in their homes and I'm no different. I grew up believing my father was one of my heroes, but my father was a dream. The father I grew up by believing doesn't exist. He is not someone I can count on, he is not someone who's there for me. He is not the one to give me the strengh to keep going, because he keeps telling everything I want is impossible and that I just won't get it.

He does not believe in Fortune, one of my Gods, he does not believe in happiness or in making dreams come true, again that made me sad for too long.

I say this is a post made in anger and with pain... Because despite of it all he is my dad and I love him. You know? I wish he knew this, but he doens't. He is so closed for love because of all these walls he built around him that I just can't get through, to him.

Luckly, against all odds, I'm an optimistic and I believe I am gonna make it. Everything inside of me tells me that I am already a winner, so I don't need to conquer anything on the outside just to prove it, which I will just because I want to, because my father didn't help me to build my self esteem but I'm doing this for myself now.

Thank you dad for giving me my scent and the person I became it's part of who you are, so be glad about it.

Personally my directions are others, 'cause I rather truly believe in love and in the exchange of it.

I aim for beauty, father. That's what I look at. Even a monster is beautiful and we are all beautiful with our virtues and flaws. I just wish you could see that.

I love you.