Motherhood hasn't got the happiest of the spots inside of me. The picture that I hold inside is not about the fruitful one, the benefical mom. To me, parents are always trying to have their kids for supper, no matter what, because they are never a happy copy of themselves, as much as they have tried to.
Motherhood is a very sore spot for me. And so, when I act as the caring person I am and all my good cares are rejected by some angry boy or some neglected girl, I feel very hurt. Because I tend to take care of people, giving them what they need (at least i think i have a pretty good shot at what they need) and also because I tend to deny my own mother in me. What you don't know, until you are a mom is that, once you slap your kid, it hurts you a lot more than it does to the other person. So, really... How can I kill without dying and how can I not kill at all? Are by definition all trades of skin hurtful?
I want to see my seeds blossoming, I want to make this garden happen. But I do not wanna feel like I'm killing my plants for over watering them, neither I wanna feel like I`m the mom who forgets to water her plants, cause that example I know very deeply in my heart. I hold hands with my child, she seems happy with the mom I am, but sometimes, i still feel her aching. All I can do is love her as much as I can. Love doesn't seem to be enough sometimes. That's really sad.
Nenhum comentário:
Postar um comentário